Evolution of University Life

It's now been a while ever since my 1st year in University started and now proceeding to the 2nd year. Many things that were taught and I've learnt too, other than education learning, I've also learnt social life a lot different from before. Things which I've learnt the most besides studying is a precious mystical gift in the world that a person can have is friendship. Hmm, in a sudden this friendship topic pop out of my brain cell...

Let's see for the moment what i can recall back... Friends I have in my country are different to compare them with the friends which i am having now... Back in my country, friends are more national boundaries and limited to some certain country barriers too but here in University, friends are widely international from some places which i barely can imagine to be friends with. Different cultures shows a different way of living a life but some show me how they appreciate life which i don't really do most of the times, not to be boastful but what can I say more if what people thinks that comes in mind on their first impression of my country. I got to know few new personalities of life and been going through many things which I myself can barely imagine of the effects that I've done. Frankly speaking will be, I've beginning to realize what a jerk i am getting into other people's business thinking that I can be an angel salvation and not knowing what a monster I've created out of a decent normal typical human being or is it just their own personality that started to reflect and evolving towards their own future.

A question that I need to know, where can I find such a friend that will be able to understand all the issues and having all the solutions that I need them the most. Maybe such friend does exist or they just haven't show up in my life. Sometimes comes to think back time, I am such a person but why am I still living to some split personality of not letting people to know what type of friend I am ?? I still could not figure that out not until few weeks ago... I do not have to let the world know who I was and what I've did (sounds really big against the world) it is how I will manage my present life and plan my future life will be just good enough for me now. My fear will be the history will haunt me in such a way that it is a weapon that is against my will.

Few people do read my blogs and some people commented them personally. I just feel relief when I post them here somehow I feel like hitting a target to let it know how deeply hurt I am but not for publishing my private life which may contradict with my statement earlier... I am tired of being neutral and being acting as one, being myself is more unreasonable but being who I want to be might work for sure. Basically, I've no idea why in a sudden I made this post at this moment at this time... I was thinking of putting off the heat but wonder where is the fire (a best metaphor to describe my moment now)